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Relationship Violence

Controlled, manipulated or possessed behaviour can be confused with love. BUT IT IS NOT!

Violence occurs when someone uses power or control to make someone else feel hurt, scared or humiliated. In a relationship, there can be a pattern of behaviour that is used to get someone to do what another person wants.

Safety

  • Being safe is the most important thing to remember. Making a safety plan involves identifying actions that you can do to optimize your safety.
  • Tell someone you trust. (family/closest friend)
  • Tell the police or your school counsellor.
  • Surround yourself with people who make you feel safe.
  • Write incidents down so you have a record.
  • Try to avoid situations that could turn out badly.

Different Types of Abuse

Physical Abuse

  • Pushing, kicking, punching, chocking, shoving, hitting, beating, physical abuse with a weapon, torture

Emotional/ Verbal Abuse

  • Insults, harassment, threats
  • Isolating you from your family and friends,
  • Abusive language
  • Excessive jealousy

Sexual Abuse

  • Forcing you to have sex
  • Demanding or tricking you into doing sexual acts
  • Having sex with you while you are sleeping, unconscious or not aware of what they are doing
  • Anything that compromises your sexual integrity
  • Criticizing body parts

Social Abuse

  • Making you do everything with him/her
  • Not letting you choose you own friend
  • Controlling your habits (clothing, social outings)

Financial Abuse

  • Controlling all your money
  • Stopping you from getting a job
  • Forcing you to do things with your money
  • Selling your things without permission
  • Not allowing you to work

Cycle of Violence

Build-up

This is when things are most tense. You can almost sense the stress without any conversation

Explosion

This is the most dangerous time in a relationship. This is when the violence or threats happens

Remorse

This is when your partner is most likely to apologize for their behaviour. They may give gifts or try to make up for their behaviour towards you. Sometimes the abuser may blame what happened on you

The Honeymoon Period

This is when things seem better than they have been in a long time. This may lead you to thinks the abuser has or will change and won't abuse you or be violent any more. In most cases, this is not true. The cycle will start again; it's only a matter of time.

Relationship Rights - A healthy relationship means that both people involved are equals. Both should treat others with respect.

Your partner should:

  • Value and respect your rights
  • Allow you to feel safe around them
  • Talk honestly and openly to help sort out any conflicts
  • Be able to negotiate and compromise
  • Accept when you change your mind or opinion
  • Understand and accept when you say "NO"
  • Let you feel good about yourself

VICTIM CRISIS ASSISTANCE AND REFERRAL SERVICE (VCARS)

Non-profit, community based service which assists Police in providing immediate, short-term, emotional and practical assistance to victims and their families 24/7

PHONE: 705-522-6970 FAX: 705-522-0169

Helpful Documents

Relationship Violence

Sexual Harassment

Sexual Harassment is:
  • Unwanted and one-sided.
  • Degrading and disrespectful.
  • Receiver feels powerless.
  • Receiver feels humiliated.
Verbal Harassment:
  • Unwanted sexual comments
  • Unwanted sexual noises
  • Unwanted sexual gestures
  • Unwanted sexual conversations
  • Non-Verbal Harassment:
  • Display of sexual pictures.
  • Making facial expressions, expressions, winking, throwing kisses.
  • Letters, email, posters, gifts, and sexual materials.
Physical harassment:
  • Unwanted touching, caressing or grabbing
  • Exposing himself/herself
Law:

Sexual harassment is a serious offence, especially, when it leads to stalking or sexual assault.

Your right:

You have the right to be treated with civility, decency, respect and dignity, and have an obligation to treat others the
same way.

Effects of sexual harassment;
  • Isolation
  • Depression
  • Intimidation
  • Loss of trust
  • Concern for safety
  • Anger
  • Fear
  • Loss of self-esteem
If sexual harassment happens to you:
  • Don't blame yourself for sexual harassment. It is not your fault!
  • Do not ignore it. Sexual harassment does not go away and can get worse.
  • Speak clearly and directly to the harasser telling them to leave you alone.
  • If you do not feel comfortable talking to the harasser face to face, write a letter containing:
  • A factual account of what happened
  • A statement of how you felt
  • A statement of what you want to happen next
  • Clearly indicate you want them to stop their unwanted behaviour
  • Talk to someone who you can trust like friends.
  • If you feel physically threatened, call the Greater Sudbury Police Service.
Flirting is:
  • Reciprocal; goes both ways.
  • Flattering or complimentary and not demeaning.
  • Boosts self esteem; makes you feel good/special
Break the Silence:

Many sexual harassment incidents go unreported. Silence is your biggest enemy. It will only encourage and promote more harassment.

Victim Crisis Assistance:

VCARS is a non profit, community based service which assists in providing immediate assistance.
FOR MORE INFORMATION:
Phone: 705-522-6970 or Fax: 705-522-0169
For more help contact Kid's Help Phone (under 18)
1-800-668-6868

Resources

Sexual Harassment